You can love your family and still need an exit strategy.
A 40-page workbook for exvangelicals, recovering people pleasers, and anyone tired of being the designated peacekeeper at family gatherings.
Read it in the car before you go in.
Photo 1 · Guide mockupA mockup of the workbook cover, or a cozy shot of it open on a table.Portrait, about 4×5 (1200 × 1500 px)
You might be the one keeping everybody calm.
You've rehearsed your answer to "So, are you still going to church?" in the shower. Multiple times. With hand gestures.
You're a functioning adult with a job and opinions, and then you walk through your parents' front door and you're twelve again.
You say yes to every invite, every dish, every "just one more night," and then need three business days to recover.
You read the room before you've taken your coat off. You keep everyone calm, and nobody's asking who keeps you calm.
You've been told you're "too sensitive" so many times you've started to believe it.
You're roughly one unhinged comment away from losing it, and you'd really like to get through dessert first.
If you're nodding along, your nervous system probably learned some of this a long time ago. That makes a lot of sense, and it's something we can work with.
The part nobody handed you.
You already know the word boundary. What you probably never got is what to actually say when your uncle corners you by the mashed potatoes, or why your whole body goes on high alert when your mom sighs a certain way.
This guide explains what's happening in your body in everyday words, helps you figure out what you want from the season, and gives you word-for-word scripts for when your brain goes blank.
Use it before you go, during (bathroom breaks count), and after. Then pull it back out next year.
Four parts, written to be used in real time.
Why family makes you feel like a kid again
- Your nervous system at the holidays, explained gently
- Fight, flight, freeze and fawn (hi, fawn)
- The "good child" holiday trap
- The unwritten family rule book
Boundaries without the 20-minute explanation
- Requests and boundaries are different things
- "Instead of this, try this" scripts
- Declining, managing expectations and handling pushback
- Guilt, discomfort and fear, and how to tell them apart
Getting through the gathering
- Scripts for faith and church questions
- A note on religious trauma
- Handling invasive questions, plus grounding tools
- What to do when it didn't go as planned
Making the holidays your own
- Your holiday inventory to keep, question, reclaim and release
- A game plan you build ahead of time
- A post-holiday check-in
- Reminders and permission slips
✦ Reflection pages throughout, so you get to write in it ✦
Words for when your brain goes blank.
Instead of"I'm so sorry, I really wanted to, it's just that work has been crazy and the dog has a thing and…"
Try"We won't make it this year. We'll miss you, and we'll call on Christmas morning."
Instead ofPanicking and explaining your entire deconstruction over pie.
Try"That's not something I'm going to get into today. How's the new kitchen coming along?"
Instead ofStaying three hours longer than you wanted because nobody else got up first.
Try"This was really nice. We're going to head out. Drive safe, everyone!"
Made for the peacekeepers.
This is for you if you're
- An exvangelical, or someone deconstructing who still has to show up to dinner
- An eldest daughter (or the honorary one)
- A former good girl or recovering people pleaser
- Wanting to stay connected to family without abandoning yourself
- Tired of dreading a season that's supposed to feel cozy
It probably isn't for you if
- You're looking for a replacement for therapy. This is education and support, and it isn't treatment.
- You want help winning the argument. This one is more about getting through dessert in one piece.
- You're in an unsafe situation. You deserve more support than a workbook can give, and needing that is not a failure on your part.
Photo 2 · Headshot of StephanieA warm, real photo of you. Your office with the plants is perfect.Portrait, about 4×5 (1200 × 1500 px)
Therapist, ex-vangelical, and recovering good girl.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I've spent a lot of time with people who love their families and also find them exhausting. (Both can be true. That's kind of the whole point.)
I grew up with a lot of rules, spoken and unspoken, and then had to figure out who I was on the other side of them. I made this guide for the version of you who's sitting in the driveway, giving yourself a pep talk before going inside.
You're allowed to take up a little space this holiday season.
StephanieStephanie Harimoto, LMFT 140513
Photo 3 · Guide coverA flat image of the workbook cover.Portrait, about 3×4 (1200 × 1600 px)
The Holiday Survival Guide
- A 40-page workbook you can print or use on your tablet
- Nervous system education in everyday words
- Word-for-word boundary scripts
- Scripts for faith, church and invasive questions
- Grounding tools for the hard moments
- A holiday game plan and post-holiday check-in
- Yours to keep and reuse every year
If even a little inkling of this feels like you, it's here when you're ready.
Good questions, real answers.
Is this therapy?
No. The guide is educational and doesn't create a therapist-client relationship. It's a supportive tool, and it isn't a substitute for working with a therapist. If you're ever in crisis, please call or text 988 (in the US) or your local emergency number.
When do I get it?
Right away. After checkout you'll land on a page with your download, and we'll email it to you as well, so you can find it again later.
I was never evangelical. Will this still help?
Yes. There's a section on faith and church questions, but most of the guide is about people-pleasing, boundaries, and getting through family time without abandoning yourself. That part is pretty universal.
What if I'm not seeing family this year?
Still worth it. Skipping the holidays brings its own feelings (hello, guilt). The reflection pages and Part Four help you make the season feel like yours, whatever it looks like.
Is it printable?
It's a PDF, so you can print it and write in it, or use it on a tablet with an annotation app.
Go to the gathering as yourself, and leave when you need to.
Forty pages of backup for the most wonderful, most complicated time of the year.
Get the guide · $47 →